Too Many Places to Write

 Thanks to a notice from Google, I revisited this blog I started 13 years ago and swiftly abandoned. Except maybe I'll want it again.

THEN: A high school drama teacher, sad at losing a co-worker to cancer, a little tense about a new school year, and wishing wishing wishing I'd spent more time with my kids.

NOW: That last one? Never resolved it, and now it is too late. My kids and I get along; they're adults now and living their lives. But in a week and a half, my son will fly down from his mother's house and spend the day with me before I take him back to his apartment at college.

Because in the intervening years, my first marriage crumbled, though depending on the time you asked either my now ex-wife or me, you might get a story that made it clear the foundation wasn't all that strong. We had 2 great kids, and so I do not regret that marriage.

4 years ago, my mother got sick. She was suffering from an inflamed gall bladder, and because she waited too long to go to the hospital, it turned septic and she almost died. While she tried to recover from that, the universe played another joke and ultrasounds turned up some disturbing shadows. In July of 2020, they confirmed the shadow was pancreatic cancer. By October of 2020, she died. 12 days later I remarried in Santa Cruz, the only county courthouse that would perform weddings for non-residents during the pandemic. 

My wife and I permanently settled in Southern California. I was finally in the place I'd wanted to be, and the desperate urge to be ...somebody had kind of burned out. Because I wasn't a teacher anymore; I'd been recruited by a large professional services firm as a writer, and was treated better than ever before in my life. I still like writing Fanboy Planet, promoting friends, and occasionally try my hand at writing fiction. But my marriage and my job take precedence. The rest is for fun. Mostly.

A couple of days ago my daughter and I talked on the phone, and I expressed this to her. I said I no longer want to be famous. She laughed and said, "I didn't know you wanted to be famous." 

Really, I just wanted to matter. Which I do. So it's enough.